Wilmington

So here's the deal. I think me and Jordan are moving to Wilmington this upcoming summer. There are several reasons actually. Here's why. I am not liking UNCG like I previously thought I would. It has nothing to do with the school itself per se; my classes are interesting and the instructors are very intelligent and know how to teach. It's not that it's too hard or too easy or what have you, I just don't enjoy the idea that I am going to college in Greensboro, a town that leaves a lot to be desired. I feel like maybe I am selling myself a little short - that I could have a better time elsewhere, and get the full college experience. Even though I live in an apartment I'm still technically "at home" since I've lived here for the past three years already. I'm so tired of this town and even though the campus is very lovely, it all seems a little stagnant to me. These are not very good thoughts to be having my first semester in at UNCG, right? So I want to try to go to UNCW. I think I would like it there (not for the parties, although those can't hurt, right?) but just to have a change in scenery. Plus, I will be at the coast and since I am very much a beach/coastal person I would really dig that. I know I know, I will probably end up hating anywhere I go, especially since my last trip to UNCW left me with a bad taste in my mouth (but maybe that was because I was hanging around my friend who had suddenly changed since she started going there?). However, it can't be any worse than here, y'know? I'm sure there are plenty of decent people there just like there are decent people here and anywhere else you'd go. I'd make friends all the same but it'd be hard starting out, definitely!
Here's the other reason why we're trying to move. Jordan doesn't know if he will be able to finish at UNCG. Since it took him so long to decide what he would major in, he lost valuable time to get in required general credits. So now, his sociology degree is gonna take him at least another two and half years. Ridiculous I know, especially when he has to take shit that has nothing to do with what he wants to do in life. He wants to apply to Wilmington Police Department as soon as they start accepting applications again. If he gets the job, he will start making $34,000 per year, which is $3,000 more than Greensboro. I think he may try to get a Criminal Justice Associates degree, which wouldn't take him nearly as long and as expensive as finishing out his bachelors. As much as I want him too, I don't want him or his parents to just be throwing money away at something while he could technically enter the job force and start making money right away. So if he doesn't get financial aid for the rest of this school year, he said he is not returning for the next year.
We've been talking a lot about what we need to do to prepare for Wilmington. I told him I needed to know what was going on before March 1, because then I would need to submit my application to UNCW, in hopes that they accept my transfer. I would then need to try to transfer to a Wilmington Starbucks and start searching for a house to rent. Jordan would hopefully by then apply to the police force, perhaps hearing back from them in about six months. But we have to wait a couple of months to see what happens before making any hasty decisions!!
I hope it all works out for the best, God willing, of course!

If I don't get to the beach soon I'm gonna die...

I am a coastal person. I grew up in tidewater VA near many rivers and estuaries. There were awesome seafood places, and even though the beach was far away, at least we had the Chesapeake Bay to give us a hint that we were close to the shore. Seagulls mulling around in parking lots were an everyday sight. Here in Piedmont NC, I don't even see gulls. I have to decorate my house beach-y or nautically theme just to find some relaxation. I go to Red Lobster when I want to feel like I'm sitting at an overpriced seafood joint on vacation. It sucks. I have to be near the coast. I have to!

Ugh..
In other news, I'm still enjoying myself in school. It's fun, mostly, except when I have to study. I'm not behind in any class, and I'm making good grades. I kind of slacked off this past week in Bio Psy by not reading all of the chapter and consequentially bombing the quiz (I think) unless I just got lucky and picked all the right answers at random. That would be amazing. I'm not too worried about it. I have a Hinduism test tomorrow; boy that's gonna be a blast!
Anyway, so I'm pretty sure, like 99.9% sure I'm transferring to another SBUX. I sent the request in on Monday, and haven't heard anything yet, but the other manager pretty much said she could take me on her crew. So hopefully there will be NO MORE MALL for me! Woot! But we will have to see what happens with it in the next week. If they deny me I will cry! And scream!
I guess that's all right now. I'm not in the best mood right now. I'll write more when I am in a good mood.

It's Getting Easier

Every time I ride my bike to school it gets easier. It takes me less and less time, and I don't get so winded when I am going up big hills. Today it took me 15 minutes, which is not bad. The things that suck about riding it (and what I really dread) is 1. Fear of running over people walking at UNCG - They just won't get out of the way, not for anything. It's really annoying when you are trying to ride and you have to keep riding around the people because they will just keep coming at you. I have told some people to get out of the way already, and even held my tongue a couple of times when I was about to yell out "You morons!" They don't just walk in straight lines, they walk every which damn way - diagonally, horizontally, backwards, frontwards, goofy footed, you name it.
2. I hate hills. Period.
3. I hate being sweaty and worn out. Fortunately, today it was cold outside so I didn't sweat but this afternoon might be worse.
I assume as I go along it will become much easier on me than it is now, and that I will probably prefer it to be my method of transportation, since I'm trying to lose weight.
I know that I have lost inches off of my waist, because I was able to squeeze my butt into some flared jeans I hadn't been able to wear in a loooong time!
Finally, Bo, my boxer dog, is coming to live with us soon, when I can pay the security deposit to have him! I'm really excited about it. He stayed with us for four days this week and he seemed happy (other than he didn't eat that much) but I think after he stays a while he will get used to it. Well anyway, I believe that's it for now!

Oh la la

Well school has started and it's been about as hectic as I had imagined. Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays I have only two classes, with a break in between, during which I go to my awesome work-study job (which is where I am at this exact moment - on the internet!), and on tuesdays and thursdays I have my work-study job first thing, then three classes! It's hard to get to Starbucks after school, especially since I am either biking, walking, or waiting for the HEAT bus to pick me up. I think the fastest way to get home right now is to ride the bike, but I get so tired and it's been seriously hot outside, so I am going to wait until it gets cooler before I make the bike my primary transportation. The thing is, I really don't want to make my availability at Starbucks any later than it is now. If so, I may lose hours per week. I'm sure everyone is going through this too: I think Ryan said his Starbucks in Chicago closed at like 8pm, so that makes it harder to get hours. Sometimes, I wish we closed later, but then again, I don't want to be up so late. Getting enough sleep is scarce now.

My instructors are pretty good, and all they assign is reading (which, by the way, I am NOT so good at, because it bores me to death and they usually assign like 50 pages to read!)

On a happier note, I got a haircut! It's just above my shoulders and it is super cute! I will take a picture and put it up on facebook soon. It's probably one of the cuter haircuts I've had.

Okay, I'm going to put up something now that I will do with every post. It's sort of a way to document the phases I go through, like music, movies, fashion style, etc. Just random things that I like at the time, (or continue to like) or discovered that I like. I don't know what to call this section of my blog, but perhaps I should call it: Theresa's Findings and Phases. I will seek out a better title soon, if I can think of one. Perhaps someone can give me a few ideas?

Theresa's Findings and Phases

Entertainment:

Music: Yo La Tengo

Songs to Download from this amazing group right now are:

The Summer - quirky guitar part

Autumn Sweater - awesome drum beat

They sort of remind me of some kind of European trance/discotecque group, with indie pop thrown in the mix. They are just amazing, and really chill, with cool technology induced sounds and beats.

GO SEE GO SEE GO SEE!: Inglourious Basterds, Quentin Tarantino film, starring Brad Pitt, Melanie Laurent, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth. Amazing and hilarious movie. The acting was superb, the writing - magnifique! It's a movie I want to see again (and again and again and again).

Television: True Blood This series gets the blood pumping if you know what I mean. Where will you find me Sunday evening? At home, watching what Bill, Sookie, Eric, Tara and Sam will do next!

Fashion:

High waisted skirt dress (I think that's what it's called)

They are so cute. I just want one!

That's it for now, unless I think of something else. Thanks for reading!

4 days until moving day!

Well I only have four more sleeps in my aunt's house and then we are moving into our new apartment. I'm really excited but a little apprehensive. It's my first place, and I'm just worried about all the rapid changes, but I know it'll be for the better!

I've been packing stuff up all day long, and Jordan and I spray painted a little newspaper stand/end table. We started with white, then allowed it to dry. We then bought stencils of palm trees and taped it to the table and began painting with acryllic colors. It looks really good! I really like to paint (even though I'm not the greatest painter ever!). It helps take the stress off, and makes me feel good about something I've created. Jordan likes it too!

It looks so good!

WE GOT AN APARTMENT!

Two good things have happened since I last wrote (before White Lake). Jordan and I got back together after spending some time apart, and we found that having our own space for a while really did our relationship good. We now know that we don't have to be together 24/7 to be "together," but we enjoy the time that we also get to spend by ourselves doing other things, or with our own friends. I'm really happy and I just have a fresh outlook on our life together..it feels brand new, yet we have such a wonderful history together with many precious memories! So we continue to write new exciting chapters! Like getting an apartment!
Today we signed the lease for our apartment! It's not the same one I was talking about before. We got a better deal on this one. It's on Spring Garden St. and is a 2 br/ 1 bath with a medium sized kitchen and a VERY large living room. The living room is so large I don't know what we would do with half of it. The best part about it is that cable, electricity, and water are all included in the rent, and we split everything 50/50. We signed separate leases too! And it's total electric, which means no gas heat! Our bedrooms are medium sized, and I'm going to put a twin bed in mine, and Jordan is putting his full sized bed in his. He gave me the bedroom with the largest closets, I guess because I'm a girl! It's going to be nice having our own rooms to go to, and at any rate it makes the apartment seem bigger! The good news is that we have either been given or already had most of the stuff needed to make our apartment a home. We are going to buy various things, but are being given a kitchen table and chairs, recliner, microwave, coffee and end tables, lamps, dressers, toaster, pots and pans, plates, bowls, and other things we might need. Jordan and I went today to Walmart and bought silverware, a pizza pan, a trash can and some cups. All we need now is a sofa, a TV stand, some more lamps and I need a twin bed and mattress. Jordan might buy a new mattress, I'm not sure yet. We are going to an estate auction tomorrow so we might pick up a few things for cheap. Then we are going to Dollar General to get some cleaning supplies on the cheapside.
Well we get the keys next friday and move in next Saturday. I'm so excited but I got the daunting tasks of going through everything in my room and throwing out things I don't need and packing up stuff I do need. I have to work next Saturday night so I'm moving my things in in the morning, and Jordan gets works Saturday morning, and will move his things that afternoon. So by Saturday night we should be sleeping in our new home!

Taking a break from packing..and thinking...

Well, I'm packing up for my week long vacation to White Lake, and I feel a little overwhelmed. I'm pretty sure I'm going to forget something. Sigh, happens everytime, but I'll make sure I don't forget money at least! I got most of my packing done, now I am just deciding what leisure items I want to take with me ie: books, music, guitar, etc. I think I will more than likely take Maja (the acoustic guitar). I was thinking about taking B.B. (AKA Black and Beautiful, my electric) and Fred the Amp, but I will probably leave them at home because I'm sure everyone wouldn't quite appreciate the noise, both the folks in our house and the entire neighborhood! I WISH I COULD TAKE THE BIKE! But alas I do not have a bike rack and I would probably not ride it once I got down there anyway! I'll be too busy loafing around. Next year, when I get a new bike, hopefully I'll bring it with me (if I go to WL next year, that is..).
On to other news. My best friend has decided to be my roommate so now we are looking for a place next to the school to rent out. I'm psyched it's him, mostly because he's my best friend and I can trust him. I think he is happy about it too, because finding a roommate is hard work, and both of us really wouldn't feel comfortable living with strangers (at least I wouldn't). So we're gonna try it for a year and see where we end up.
The other day we were at UNCG and walking up and down the streets near the school, and found a house that had a 2-3 bedroom apartment in the upstairs with ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. This means electric, gas, water, high speed internet, washer/dryer on site, and cable are all included in the price. So I called the number on the sign and the guy answered and started telling me about the property. Only thing is, its $900/month! So basically, $450 each. Which is not exactly what I wanted to pay, but when I started thinking about it, that's what I will end up paying each month anyway, regardless of where I live. The lowest rent you can find in the area is probably around $350, and that is not including what you would pay in regards to utilities. The problem with having your rent and utilities separate is many times you have to deal with the power companies and other utility companies on your own. It's just less of a hassle if you write one check a month. The landlord also seemed pretty cool. He talked to me for the longest time! He said that we could actually fit another person in there, so my friend is thinking about asking his friend if he wants to go in with us. Then it would be $300 each. And that is a f**king STEAL!!! The landlord said that we can paint the walls any color we want and just as long as we aren't disruptive, he wants us to enjoy being in college. And the location could not be any better. You literally take 10 steps off the front porch and you are on campus!! So I told the guy we would get in touch with him sometime this next week, and that we would like to come see it after we get back from White Lake. I just pray to God no one snatches up the apartment before then. It's not even on Craigslist (I checked) so hopefully not too many people are looking on McIver st. for a house! I will keep my fingers crossed though! We both have a good feeling about it, now we just need to see the inside, and learn if there is an application fee/security deposit, and if I can possibly adopt a cat!
Another thing, I am trying to get transferred to the Shoppes at Battleground Starbucks store! I went up there the other day to get a drink, and the girl remembered me from last time (when I asked the manager if she was accepting transfers) and she told me to call ASAP, because a girl had just quit. So I called yesterday, and the manager said it was a possibility but that she couldn't talk about it right at that moment, and asked me to called back on Monday. So I'm going to call Monday morning and talk to her. This is the closest store to the McIver st. apartment at only 1.8 miles, and I have several routes I can take if I want to bike up there. I was suprised to see the mall was 5 miles away! I never thought it was that far from UNCG. But I am praying and hoping that she accepts me, if not now than hopefully keep me in mind for the future should she need to hire anyone. If I'm going to live on McIver, I need to be making more money and need more hours, and the mall's hours just don't cut it, son!
So that's all that's been going on lately. I'm glad I'm going on vacation, but I just wish it was a week later so I can see what's going to happen with the apartment and with Starbucks. But no need to rush into things just yet, I suppose! I will just try to relax and keep praying, cause I know something good is going to come to me. It has to, sooner or later, right? I hope so!

Jesus Christo

So it's less than a week until my big vacation to White Lake, NC, which is a natural lake near the coast. Last week was the slowest week ever, and this one will probably go even slower. What sucks the most is that before I go down, I have to get a few things taken care of, including getting my car serviced and inspected. The engine light is on for some crazy reason. I checked the oil, and we put water in the radiator, but still the light is on, so I have to take it to the shop to see what's wrong with it. They won't inspect the car unless that light goes off, which sucks because that's what I need to get done before we leave for vacation. If it's something serious that's going to cost big bucks, I'm going to have to wait until after White Lake, which means the car is getting left at home and I'll hitch a ride with someone else. That part would really blow because I like to have my own car down there so that I can come and go as I please, and don't have to wait on everyone else. I also like to go down to Wilmington and the beach at least once, since it's only 45 minutes away. But whatever is wrong with my car, I doubt it's very serious, otherwise, the car would have broken down or something. The light's purpose is to just warn the driver that certain fluids need to be checked. We'll see what happens tomorrow though.
Also I have to call my insurance agent. I was supposed to drop my full coverage and just have liability, but the insurance company hasn't complied with that yet. They sent me the bill anyway. What happened was the monthly payments are way too high and I can't afford it anymore. Plus, if I move close to UNCG, I won't need a car as badly and I can just ride my bike to most places I need to go. So the need for full coverage will be less relevant. I will probably get insurance on my bike though! But what is that? Like $5 a month? ;) So I got to get that taken care of (once again). It really is a pain in the ass.
Other than that, I am so bored! I pretty much worked every single day this week, and actually have worked everyday since last Friday (not this past Friday but the one before that! Eight days straight!) so I always had somewhere to be during the day. This is my first day off and with absolutely nowhere to be - what do I do with myself?! It's a weird feeling! I can't really go out to eat or anything like that because I'm saving money for White Lake ($160 plus $77 to board my dog at a kennel for a week!), and also whatever I need to get done to my car, plus gas. All I do really is just get online, or play guitar, or come up with songs, or watch television or lounge around. I like to ride the bike too, but sometimes its entirely too hot to go outside. Lately it's been decent, so I may ride today. All I wish for, however, is an EMPTY house! Think of how relaxing that would be!
I've really just been a homebody lately. I like to go and hang with friends you know, but I've been a little socially shy lately. I also am starting to feel like crap, but I should feel better next week. I only really look forward to having band practice with Turtle Paw and playing music, and of course going away for a week. I'm also looking forward to school starting up in the fall. I'm pretty apprehensive about it, and although I have a good idea what to expect (this is my third year in college) I'm still worried about how I am going to manage getting to all my classes on time and managing school work with my job. I will also have a work study job, so I have to factor that into my schedule. I honestly won't be able to find time for anything else! So that's what I'm worried about mostly.
Now, on the topic of moving. I need to figure out what I am going to do by August. Am I going to stay at home at Jean's house, and commute to school, probably leaving the house earlier than usual to find a parking space, and also spending tons of money on gas? Or am I going to move close to the school and spend tons of money on rent and bills? But get to bike to school? What's it gonna be. Both options are equally expensive and equally inconvenient. It's a tough decision to make!
But I will try to think about that stuff when I get back! Right now I just have to keep myself entertained and get my car stuff worked out, both insurance and the issue with the engine light. And I have to tell myself that things will get better! I just have to keep my head up!

Conformity Is In

Women want a hero,
Men want a movie star,
Nobody wants to be a zero,
Nobody's happy the way they are.

Women want to look younger,
Spend thousands on surgery and creams,
Men want to look stronger,
Outdo each other, even on the same teams.

Not many men look like Clooney,
Not many women look like Gisele,
We're living in the movies,
Reveal a secret, and someone will tell.

Everyone has to be a liar,
the liar is the one you trust now,
"Does this make me look fatter?"
"No dear, you don't look like a cow."

Turn on the television, let's see,
what lessons we can learn today,
Everybody is better than me,
Everybody's got to be one way.

So let's knock the absurd notion,
of being an individual person,
one day they'll make a magic potion,
so we can all enjoy being the same.

Am I not the right size?
Oh damn it must be a sin!
Am I not buying into these lies?
Conformity is in!

In the Cemetery at St. John's

People gather, whispering,
the rain drops fall,
someone's cellphone ringing,
isn't natural at all,
I'm not surprised,
so many familiar faces here,
the dead and the alive,
not a scowl not a tear,
you forced me to be sincere,
sincerity at its best,
I try to appear,
I mirror the rest,
the memories I carry,
in my slightly affected heart,
linger over me as they bury,
the dead, forced to depart,
the names, the dates,
the lonely prayers, the stones,
we are summoned to wait,
in the meadow of bones.

Music in the City

The night falls.
A baby awakes.
Down two flights.
A mother sings.

The blinds are uneven.
You're just the same.
Your favorite song is playing,
With the roar of the subway train.

And he's all alone,
in a beat-up hotel room,
He's given his money,
to the sirens of the night.

The man in the lobby,
Floats up to the 2nd floor.
His eyes remain empty.
His heart remains torn.

You cannot ignore
the face in the mirror.
Someday you'll say
It wasn't you at all.

Come to my place.
I'll tell you the truth.
Life moves on slowly,
But you stay just the same.

Spanish Moss

Here beneath the spanish moss,

in the shade of cypress trees,

the ship I made out of popsicle sticks,

is ready to claim the high seas.

There's a boat cruising along,

somewhere out on the misty lake,

the storm has come and gone,

and calm has taken it's place.

I fear I may sink my boat,

How many popsicle sticks does it take,

to keep her afloat,

upon the purple lake?

The night grows near,

the sun sets with ease,

the scent of mixed drinks and beer,

dances on the breeze.

Finally the twilight hush,

the people get off their feet,

forgetting the work week rush,

and enjoy their company and eat.

This is all we can afford,

but we love this place,

all the boats are moored,

the water becomes still on the lake.

Faintly music floats,

in on the summer wind,

and laughter along with the notes,

come from another pier.

We happily sit on the dock,

and admire the stars,

that reflect in the lake water,

and feel so small, and yet so glad.

I'm working on setting this to music....

Speechless

I cannot speak for fear
you in your highest place can
with the sway of your hand
pass me by without a glance
as if you hadn't for years
been so kind and so warm
perhaps you were only leading me on
I do not know what strength
it would require to speak freely,
as my heart begs, my mind warns
if you were to deny me
I would retreat to my own place
and would later emerge the same girl
but one who guards her heart
more carefully than before
I'd rather remain speechless
and dream and dream, the perfect
scenes belonging to the realm of
slumber; a place where everything
goes my way, and nightmares only
occur by day,
I shall never know, but it is better
not to know; perhaps knowing
will crack the mirror and rip the seams
You are perfect in your
unattainable state,
as I continue to love you from afar.

-Theresa Mattiello

Lately

I've been complaining a lot about my job and I probably need to shut up because there are plenty of people who would love to have my job. I think that I just have low tolerance for stupid and angry people. Although I would generally prefer to transfer to another store, I'm still going to run into stupid, angry people...And the hours thing is an issue at almost every store, so anyway I look at it, things will be equally bad...or equally good...but nevermind the silly squabble about my job...
What I am most excited about right now is starting school at UNCG. I know that classes just ended and I should be enjoying the time I have off right now, but its going to be exciting to start up at a new school with new faces.
I also have sort of a plan for when I am finished with college in a few years. I really want to try to look into the Peace Corps. I was at Katie's house the other day and she was showing me a booklet that had all of the PC programs that I could get into depending on my major and experience. I could do something within all sectors, but I am mostly interested in either Education, Agriculture, or Environmental Awareness...Then after the Peace Corps I was thinking maybe look into working for cruise lines??? My plan of course isn't definite (nothing ever is at my age) but I think these are good options since the economy might still be struggling when I graduate, not to mention I want to do a lot of traveling, A LOT of traveling, when I get out of college. The Peace Corps will allow me to connect to people in another country. It's an amazing experience to submerge yourself into an entirely different culture, I know...I went to the Philippines when I was 16 and had the biggest culture shock of my life, but I also did a lot of maturing in that period of time. It's definately worth it...you don't look at the US or yourself or the life you had ever again. Things change dramatically, but in a good way. You become more humble and understanding of others, especially in third world and developing countries, where people do not have the things we take for granted everyday!
At any rate, I just need to breathe and take every day at a time, and not try to get so worked up over trivial incidents at work or at home, because that stuff doesn't matter in the long run!

The Quest for Canada

I have a yearning; I want to go north where the air is cold and crisp, and in the summer is humid but not hot. I want to go to a place where sight will replace mystery, for mystery is all it ever seems to be. I want to see the wild as if I were the only person left to roam on earth, I want to sway to the music beating through me. The vast wilderness ahead of me, as I scan city lights. A large tower before me, and the people saying "EH!" around me. Gorgeous men with hockey sticks and furry countenances. A taste of Europe but still on the same continent. Speak textbook french with people that I do not understand (and I doubt they understand me), get caught up in Indian names, for rivers, for peaks, for landscapes, for lakes, for towns. Open my mind up for adventure, and leave all else behind. Be serenaded by the owls at night, and hear the percussion of water as it falls into the misty unknown. Swim in the Great Lakes, soar over mountains like an eagle, and only right over the border, between here and there. I will be gone but not too far away. I want to go north where the ice melts halfway in May, and returns again in September. I want to feel cold like no other, and never feel it again. I want to build a fire, and watch the auroras dance in the sky, while the wolf howls and the snow softly falls. Behind me is the United States of America, set in her ways, before me, is nothing, pure and true. And I want to go there before I die.