I am glad to say I freed myself today from all regrets and bad memories. I am now going to live my life a happier person because I deserve it. I need to learn that I may not know what is in store for my life down the road but I am going to trust in myself and power higher than me to lead me in the right direction. I'm not going to worry anymore because it helps no one to have a troubled mind. I wrote everything down that had been bothering me, stuff that's been with me pretty much my whole life, and more recent bullshit that's been tugging at my very soul. Then I tore it up and threw it far away. Now, I don't acknowledge these bad aspects of my life. That part of my life is over, and the new part is about to begin. This new life is the life in which I get a job I love, I finish school with flying colors, I enter the peace corps or go teach overseas or do something incredibly awesome with the young years I have left. This may be the life in which I meet and fall in love with someone incredibly special, or maybe not yet, maybe that's years ahead in the future, but I cannot dwell on that aspect. I just have to stay positive and know that everything is going to work out. Everything happens for a reason and I just got to keep my head up and a smile on and warm open arms for people around me. I can't be depressed and sad and lethargic all the time, that's not the way to be. And I can't be a whiner either. I have to make stuff happen for me, and if other things make me sad or down and out, I have to banish them and take them with a grain of salt. Because there is nothing in this world, either person or thing, that is worth tormenting myself over and over again with no release. There is no reason to ever let oneself get to this point. I let it and it almost destroyed me. No more.
Well I don't write here much cause only like five of you actually read this, but I felt for my own personal piece of mind I'd write down what's been going on and hopefully while doing so, sort out my thoughts a little. Well everyone who knows me knows I have moved back to Greensboro. It's a fucking long story that I don't even feel like going into right now, or ever again, but honestly from the experience I learned a few lessons. #1 Don't move unless you are absolutely sure you'll have a good place of employment secured. #2 Also when you move don't get into any contract that will commit you to the new place for more than 6 months. Let me explain this last one. I of course, like a moron, signed a lease for an apartment for 15 months with a complete stranger. Sadly enough, this person turned out to be extremely weird and my total opposite and (as I found out while in the process of moving out) completely insane. That leads me to #3 Don't move in with ANYONE you've met through Craiglist unless you guys are super alike and/or get along well or have known each other for a few months before actually moving in together. #4 Don't be ashamed to call it quits...it took a lot of guts for me to pull the reins in early and declare that I couldn't stand it. People in my life sort of scrutinized my actions but because it was my decision, I didn't let it get to me. So yeah, I'm back in Greensboro now, still working at the mall, getting ready for school to start and trying to have some chill time here and there. I'm really motivated now to finish school because I have decided I wanted to try to do the Peace Corps after college, but I'm trying to keep it on the DL for now because I don't want to make a big deal about it and end up not getting to do it. But I'd definitely like to apply. I just need to time it right. Katie told me not to wait to apply when I actually finish school, so I need to apply before my last semester of college, and at this point I don't know when that will be. In other news, I may be going to Europe next summer...shhhhhh....I might jinx it so we can't talk about it anymore. Other than that, not a hell of a lot going on, I mean there's shit going on but nothing worth writing about.