Changing my mind again, but it's all good!!!

So I'm here in Wilmington, and I've been here for about a month already. I like it alright, but I don't think I'm going to stay. I guess whoever reads this will be the first to know although I've told a very small handful of people who understand my situation. I won't be attending UNCW in the fall, that's the first thing I should say. First the financial aid they are offering is in the form of loans that I cannot afford, and only two small grants that aren't even enough to cover book costs. I thought for sure they would give me the same amount as UNCG but it's just not the case. However, UNCG offered me over 9,000 in grants this upcoming school year, so I am going to try to take some online classes to remain an active student until I am able to move back in january for the spring semester. Second, it will be easier for me to just go ahead and finish at UNCG, since all my files are there and I already know the school layout, and I won't have to attend orientation. (That's another thing about UNCW that pissed me off, they were going to charge me $75 for orientation, and for what? I've been in college three years, I think I know how it's done!) Thirdly, I really want to start the Recording Engineering degree at GTCC as sooooon as possible so I obviously would have to move back anyway. CFCC and UNCW both do not have any recording engineering or other music programs like that. However, here's the catch: I am staying in Wilmington for the next 7 months at least. Who knows? I might end up loving it here. I might find my niche and want to stay forever!! Or I may go back to uncg and finish and then move back here when I'm done. I don't know the future but I want to give this place a chance to impress me. I haven't been here long enough to say whether or not I like it. I like it as far as the beach and scenery and people are concerned, but I need to get out in the community more to see if anything spectacular is going on...something in which I can participate and make happen. I probably need to get a second job and see what that's like, and go out more and experience more...and just chill. I think it's good that I'm not going to be attending school here right now. I'm feeling it out, and maybe if I do end up staying for good I can look into going to the college. It's like a trial run. I'm scouting out the new territory. I think it's so much better to do it this way then to wait until I'm married with kids and am forced to move somewhere for a job. With no attachments, it's easy to feel a place out and see whether or not it suits me.
In about five to six months I'm going to give myself a review of this place and how I feel about it. I'm drafting up a survey that I will take both now and in five months to see where I'm at. If at five months I still want to go back and finish (and the online classes work out okay) then I'll make preparations to find a roommate replacement for me here and move back in with Jean in early January. I will live with Jean until I can find THE perfect house in Greensboro with the perfect roomie. I want to have a garden and a yard for Lola to run around in. I want to take my take searching. I'm not settling for this apartment bullshit anymore; I've been very unhappy with the apartment people here thus far. But that's another story...
It really is no big deal if I happen to move back. The biggest task would be finding someone here to replace me but I don't think that will be hard to do. There are people coming in and out of Wilmington all the time and maybe my roommate here knows someone who might be able to move in with her by that point. She's knows a good amount of people. Or she might want to terminate the lease with me and find something else. I don't think she's been very happy with this apartment either. She knows a little bit about what's going on but I don't want to tell her I'm moving back until I am absolutely sure I am. I think she probably figures I will eventually though, definitely before the end of our lease.
Maybe Wilmington is where I am meant to be and maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm meant to be somewhere as far away as Seattle or maybe I'm meant to be in Asheville...who the hells knows at this point? I wish I hadn't moved but at the same time I'm glad I did. I am learning more about myself than I've ever known. And everyday unfolds a new lesson. And if anything, I just need some time out of college to think for a hot minute; I'm so burnt out by the past three years of college. I'm supposed to be done this next year, you know!!! But that's definitely not happening this coming spring!! But it's ok, the way the economy is going I'm trying to drag it out as long as I can and also after I am done with college I'm going to travel a bit, maybe hit up San Fran, Seattle, Santa Fe (again), Atlanta, Austin or *maybe* Asheville! :) Then I want to jump right into Recording Engineering. I'm so full of life and excitement right now that I'm having a good time despite my predicament. I know that whatever happens is going to be for the best, things have a way of putting themselves together!
So for right now I'm just going to sit back and chill and just try to have fun here in Wilmington for the remainder of 2010. If I catch myself worrying then I will kick my own ass. There is no sense in worrying over circumstances that cannot be helped. The worse thing I could do is do nothing. And I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and/or wants me to do...because it's MY life! So I'm going do exactly what I want when I want!! Thank God I have this unlimited freedom. The possibilities are endless. Lots of doors are getting ready to open, I can feel it. I'm excited, a little apprehensive but ready to do this! I'm just glad I have plenty of time! I'll write back to give updates. I feel better now than I have in months!